Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
