You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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