you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
