That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
