the condom got lost in my hair
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
