Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
