Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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