I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
