The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Drunk is not a location!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
