Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
