Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
