I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
