in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
