Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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