Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Enjoy the penises
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
