I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
