At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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