After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
