I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I want her autograph on my taint
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We have so much sex to catch up on
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
