I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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