Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
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I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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