Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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