i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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