I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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