Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
