i was born a porn star she said
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
