the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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