dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Someone shit on the floor
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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