He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
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He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
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Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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