I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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