This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
