What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
