You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I am in a vortex of obligation.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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