she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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