3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
