Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
