So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
