wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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