i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
