Porn is love you can see.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
