i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
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