how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
