dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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