I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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