I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
