she was so not down for the gang bang
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
