it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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