dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i came on her dog
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
