"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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