i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
