If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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