Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
