i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
and she was petting her beer can
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i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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