I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
