I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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