And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
