I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
