There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
