we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
