dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
