It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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