I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
