Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
