for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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