three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
