I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
