May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
