I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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