Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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