i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
