thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
