I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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