you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Still dying that you shit outside
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra