Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.