I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.