nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
