Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
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So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
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This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.