I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
In other news, I just burned my penis
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days