So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
