Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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