No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
