Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
