dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
