so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You can't motorboat a personality
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
